CUSTOMER BILL OF RIGHTS
We the Customers of Social Print Studio, in Order to form a more perfect Print Job, establish Good-Feelings, ensure transactional Tranquility, promote the general Print Standards, and secure the Blessings of Awesome Prints to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights.
All Customers have the Right to get Prints of their Photos, Regardless of the photo’s Content, Context, Legality, Nudity, Morality, or Proximity to Questionable Public Figures. Whether Selfie or otherwise, the Right of the Customers to Keep and Bear Cameras shall not be infringed!
All Customers have the Right to Receive their Order... except in cases of Extraordinary Misfortune or Acts of Non-Denominational Deities, Spaghetti Monsters, etc.
Should Circumstances arise in which the Customer is caught between the Warring Parties of FedEx and the House of Social Print Studio, the Customer will be in Full and Unambiguous Knowledge that the House of Social Print Studio is fighting in Their Corner. We Got Your Back.
Excessive Customs shall not be imposed on International Orders nor Cruel and Unusual Delivery Delays beyond what contract is agreed in the Shipping Info of the House of Social Print Studio. Please read our Shipping Info.
All Customers may Receive a Refund should their Individual Cases be reviewed by the Customer Service Mavericks at a Time of Particular Vulnerability and Sympathy or if their Situations are Strange and Unusual. The Refund is a Privilege, not a Right.
All Unclaimed Prints shall be Destroyed in the Fiery Depths of Mordor. Once the Nazgul of FedEx have finally Rendered the Prints Undeliverable through their Terrible methods, a fearless Customer Service Maverick will battle many Demons (Personal and Otherwise) to Destroy the Prints Once and For All. Please place a new order.
All Customers are granted Freedom to Email, Tweet, Comment, Heart, Poke, Smoke Signal, Semaphore, Sky-Write, or make other Grand and Marvelous Gestures to Communicate with the House of Social Print Studio.
No barrier shall Ever Be Placed between the Customer and the House of Social Print Studio beyond the Corporeal Limitations of our Tragically Separate Bodies.
All Customers are Entitled to a Unique and Memorable Experience while interacting with Representatives of the House of Social Print Studio. No Guidelines shall be placed Restricting whether that Experience be Positive or Negative.
All Customers are entitled to a Speedy Response to their Missives of no longer than One Business Day. Should all other channels of Communication prove Un-Amenable, all Customers have the Right to Request a Phone Call with a representative of the House of Social Print Studio. This Phone Call shall last No Longer than the length of 3 Cigarettes and will be conducted in the Fashion of a Bemused 1920s Socialite.
All Customers are created equal. Some Customers are more equal than others. No Limit shall be placed on the Lengths the House of Social Print Studio shall go to for a Customer, including Singing Telegrams, Excessive Grovelling, Edibles, or Recreated Scenes from 1960’s Romantic Comedies.
All Customers have the Right to Express themselves Freely with their Prints.
All Customers have the Right to Share their Displays with the House of Social Print Studio regardless of whether that Display is Just Another Clothesline with Square Prints Pegged on it. Show Us Another.
All Customers retain the Rights of their Photos. All Customer Photos are Kept in the Utmost Privacy. No Reproductions of Customer Photos shall be made Beyond those Sent to the Customer or for Necessary Quality tests. Should it be Necessary for a Customer Service Maverick to Access a Customer File in order to Complete a Quality test or other Vital Task, Their Expression while viewing said photo will remain Neutral and Blank like an Automaton at all times.
All Customers have the Right to suggest freely and without fear Rad Ways that the House of Social Print Studio could be made More Awesome. Customers who suggest Particularly Good Stuff will be Treated to Great and Startling Rewards.
All Customers have the Right to enter Freely and without Fear of Molestation the House of Social Print Studio and to imbibe One Beverage of their choosing with Representatives of the House. Indeed, all Customers are Expected to Attend at least one Happy Hour at the House of Social Print Studio if they Wish to Continue Ordering.
All Customers have the Right to Apply for Employment with the House of Social Print Studio. We Want You! Once entering Service with the House of Social Print Studio, the Customer will be stripped of all Customer Rights and will be vested with Powers Beyond their Wildest Dreams. Before entering Office they must Take the herein hyperlinked Oath or Affirmation.
The Social Print Studio T-Shirt is the Highest Customer Honor, arbitrarily awarded in circumstances of Extreme Loyalty and Creativity beyond the Call of Customer Duty. The T-Shirt is awarded in an informal ceremony representing the Boundless Gratitude of the House of Social Print Studio. Those wearing the T-Shirt are entitled to Free entry into the House of Social Print Studio and will be granted Sanctuary in the House should Circumstances demand it.
The Rote Affirmative Gestures of five Customer Service Mavericks in States of Relative Sobriety shall be sufficient for the Establishment of this Bill of Rights.
Done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of all Customer Service Mavericks who happened to be present the Nineteenth Day of August in the year of our Lord two thousand and thirteen and of the Independence of the House of Social Print Studio the Third. In Witness whereof we have hereunto attached our Selfies: