p.s. We should probably have used this medium to say something powerful about the subliminal messages behind Black Friday and commerce generally, but if you've taken the time to decode this email then you're already someone who appreciates hidden meanings and likely know more than us anyway. We love you!
p.p.s. If you are heading to the stores today, you may have to deal with other humans. We're here to help! Here's a few methods for cutting the line with style:
FBI style - The Cut and Chat - The New Yorker
p.p.p.s. There are no lines on our website, ...except for the lines you have to read between to figure out our secrets.
p.p.p.p.s. Having trouble reading this email? It could be for the best....
Pro-tip, use your non-mobile computer to decode it, or try cut-and-past. ;-)